The Spider Speaks: Healing From Childhood Sexual Abuse Through Plant Medicine and the Ring
Artem SmirnovThis story was recorded in collaboration with Athletes Journey Home, an organization providing structured, science-backed support for athletes navigating transition, recovery, and the next chapter of life.
At 30, Matthew Morton — known as “The Spider” — carries a story of healing from childhood sexual abuse that began long before he ever stepped into a ring. What followed that abuse was a heroin and crack addiction by age 12, a life of crime, and years of searching for something that could fill the void. It wasn’t until sobriety, faith, and an intentional ayahuasca ceremony in Colombia that Matthew began to truly understand himself, his past, and his purpose. In this conversation, he shares how psychedelic medicine helped him release decades of shame, reconnect with his inner child, and grieve a miscarriage while thousands of miles from home — and how all of it led him to become a professional bare-knuckle boxer and passionate advocate for healing.
In this story, Matthew reflects on:
- Growing up with childhood sexual abuse and how it shaped his relationship with trust, identity, and addiction from an early age
- Finding sobriety through a Christian rehab programme and how AA gave him his first real foundation for recovery
- His first intentional ayahuasca ceremony with Athletes Journey Home in Colombia, and the profound spiritual experiences it unlocked
- Reclaiming the name "The Spider" through bare-knuckle boxing as an act of healing and self-ownership
- How psychedelic medicine deepened rather than conflicted with his Christian faith
"You might not see the light at the end of the tunnel. But you might be the light."
Watch: Reclaiming the Spider: How Bare-Knuckle Boxing and Plant Medicine Gave One Survivor His Identity Back (Full Interview)
In Matthew's Words
Tell us a little about your background and what your childhood was like?
Matthew: I’m Matthew, 30 years old, from Carlisle, Cumbria — a beautiful part of the Lake District. My childhood was probably a lot different from most, and hopefully a lot different from most. I was abused physically and sexually as a kid, by a family friend. It ruined my foundation for how I viewed love, trust, and people. It warped my sense of judgment, and for a long time I carried a deep shame and guilt surrounding it, even though it wasn’t my fault. As a result of that abuse, I became a heroin and crack addict from a young age — by twelve years old. I lived a life of crime, in and out of mental health institutions, getting arrested, getting locked up. My whole life became about getting high and blocking everything out. It was a very suitable bandage for what I needed at the time — or what felt like one.
How did bare-knuckle boxing become part of your healing journey?
Matthew: I spent so long masking and mirroring who I was as a person — adapting to every situation and every surrounding just to survive. That came from ADHD, from fight-or-flight, from being in survival mode 24/7. The tattoos, the cobwebs, the name the Spider — all of it was a mask I could hide behind, something that stopped people from getting too close. When I got sober and got into fighting, I thought: I hate this name, but it stuck with me, so I may as well turn it into something positive. Fighting gave me a sense of purpose and discipline that I hadn’t had before. And reclaiming that name — turning it into something I owned rather than something that owned me — changed some of my core memories around it. It became mine.
You had years of sobriety before your ayahuasca experience. How did you reconcile that with going into ceremony?
Matthew:I had people in my ears telling me I was going to the other side of the world to do a drug. And at first that rattled around in my head. But then I took a step back and thought: I don’t see this as a drug. I see it as a medicine. These plants have been around since the dawn of time — thousands, millions of years. We survived as a human race using holistic medicines and healing naturally. I made a clear distinction for myself: this wasn’t something I was going to rely on or get addicted to. It was going to open up windows within me so I could do the internal work that still needed doing. Psychedelics aren’t a magical cure — you still have to go away and put the work in yourself. But what they do is show you the doors that need opening.
"Going back, even if I could change the years of sexual abuse, change the years of drug abuse — I wouldn't. Because I wouldn't be me. I wouldn't have this understanding. I wouldn't be able to spread what I can spread or help people the way I can."
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