The Spider Speaks: Healing From Childhood Sexual Abuse Through Plant Medicine and the Ring
Artem SmirnovThe tattoos, the crime, the fighting, the drugs — none of it started for the reasons people assume. Behind “The Spider” was a child dealing with sexual abuse, shame, PTSD, and years of emotional survival.
This conversation is not about glorifying addiction or trauma. It’s about understanding what happens when pain goes untreated for years — and what it takes to finally face it.
Watch The Short Story
A condensed version of Matthew’s experience. Full interview below.
About Matthew "The Spider" Morton
Matthew “The Spider” Morton is a professional bare-knuckle boxer, recovery advocate, and survivor of severe childhood trauma and addiction. After becoming addicted to heroin and crack by the age of 12, he spent years trapped in cycles of crime, mental health struggles, and self-destruction before rebuilding his life through recovery, faith, discipline, and deep inner work. Today, he speaks openly about healing, masculinity, trauma, and the role psychedelic medicine played in helping him reconnect with himself.
Key Takeaways From This Story
Takeaway 1 — Trauma changes identity
Matthew’s childhood abuse didn’t just affect his mental health—it shaped the way he viewed trust, love, safety, and himself from an early age.
Takeaway 2 — Addiction was a survival mechanism
By 12 years old, Matthew was addicted to heroin and crack. The drugs, crime, and emotional masking became ways to escape pain he didn’t yet know how to process.
Takeaway 3 — Psychedelic medicine opened deeper emotional work
Matthew describes ayahuasca and psychedelic experiences not as magical cures, but as tools that helped him lower emotional defenses, confront buried emotions, and continue the process of healing.
Full Interview (1:00:00)
This story was recorded in collaboration with Athletes Journey Home, an organization providing structured, science-backed support for athletes navigating transition, recovery, and the next chapter of life.
In Matthew's Words
Tell us a little about your background and what your childhood was like?
Matthew: I’m Matthew, 30 years old, from Carlisle, Cumbria — a beautiful part of the Lake District. My childhood was probably a lot different from most, and hopefully a lot different from most. I was abused physically and sexually as a kid, by a family friend. It ruined my foundation for how I viewed love, trust, and people. It warped my sense of judgment, and for a long time I carried a deep shame and guilt surrounding it, even though it wasn’t my fault. As a result of that abuse, I became a heroin and crack addict from a young age — by twelve years old. I lived a life of crime, in and out of mental health institutions, getting arrested, getting locked up. My whole life became about getting high and blocking everything out. It was a very suitable bandage for what I needed at the time — or what felt like one.
How did bare-knuckle boxing become part of your healing journey?
Matthew: I spent so long masking and mirroring who I was as a person — adapting to every situation and every surrounding just to survive. That came from ADHD, from fight-or-flight, from being in survival mode 24/7. The tattoos, the cobwebs, the name the Spider — all of it was a mask I could hide behind, something that stopped people from getting too close. When I got sober and got into fighting, I thought: I hate this name, but it stuck with me, so I may as well turn it into something positive. Fighting gave me a sense of purpose and discipline that I hadn’t had before. And reclaiming that name — turning it into something I owned rather than something that owned me — changed some of my core memories around it. It became mine.
You had years of sobriety before your ayahuasca experience. How did you reconcile that with going into ceremony?
Matthew:I had people in my ears telling me I was going to the other side of the world to do a drug. And at first that rattled around in my head. But then I took a step back and thought: I don’t see this as a drug. I see it as a medicine. These plants have been around since the dawn of time — thousands, millions of years. We survived as a human race using holistic medicines and healing naturally. I made a clear distinction for myself: this wasn’t something I was going to rely on or get addicted to. It was going to open up windows within me so I could do the internal work that still needed doing. Psychedelics aren’t a magical cure — you still have to go away and put the work in yourself. But what they do is show you the doors that need opening.
Reflection on this story
Jamie reflects on how Matthew carried extraordinary darkness for most of his life—yet still became someone capable of bringing light, honesty, and hope to others.
You Are Not Alone
If this story resonated with you, we invite you to explore more psychedelic experiences or share your own story with Normalize Psychedelics.
About Normalize Psychedelics
Normalize Psychedelics is a nonprofit working to change public understanding of psychedelic medicine by sharing real stories of healing. Through firsthand accounts, we aim to reduce stigma and broaden the conversation around mental health and wellness.
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